Caitlyne Angel Lovell

Caitlyne Angel Lovell
Born at 29+3 day's gestation. Spontaneous labour due to having Oligohydramnios (too little amniotic fluid) found out at 21 weeks gone when having our scan, they told me and daddy we was expecting a little girl and we was so happy and mummy already had your name " Caitlyne" as mummy always wanted to call your big brother (if he had of been a girl ) and your big sis Caitlyne but daddy always won the battle , but not this time he knew that he had no say and we had a little " Caitlyne " growing in mummy's tummy but then the sonographer said she could see that there wasn't enough fluid around you, she measured it and you only had 1.5 cm at your deepest pool which was at your feet, we didn't really panic then as she seemed ok and they told me id get a phone call from another hospital to see a consultant , it was the hardest thing ever not knowing what it meant so when we got home we looked it up on the Internet and mummy had to shut the laptop as it wasn't very good at all . We had to wait nearly 2 weeks to see the special doctor and then you had lost more fluid under 1 cm and she booked mummy in to have an amnioinfusion but was unsuccessful as you was too big by this time and the placenta in the way, then our worst night mare came true she said " we may have to think about termination " , I asked if you had any abnormalities and she checked you didn't baby girl, you was on target and everything else was fine we couldn't give up hope and that's what we had to do was hope that you would be a miracle baby and survive.
They explained by not having enough fluid that early in pregnancy would mean your lungs wouldn't grow enough and that when born you wouldn't be able to breath for yourself, we just couldn't believe it inside me you was doing fine , on the scans (and we had a lot of them) you was doing great doing everything you should of been, every time mummy had a scan and we saw you mummy & daddy would cry because it just didn't seem real that we may loose you .
Mummy did more looking on the Internet and found lots of stories where babies survived and i carried that hope with me .
There was times mummy was at the hospital almost every weekend and mid week scares where we thought i was loosing you and they said i could be misscarriageing , they would listen to your heart beat and there you would be beating so strong baby girl and mummy would get sent home being told if it was the start of a misscarriage that it can take 24 hours or longer so we would go home, mummy on bed rest and watch the clock and me and you got through it.
You was so active too, see if there's no fluid then the baby isn't meant to be able to move but you was and i loved it every kick and turn it was fantastic as i always had that bit of hope that maybe you had got more fluid but then i would have another scan and nope it would pretty much say the same the only tiny amount you had was always at your feet , and needed to be at the top end around your lungs and head :( Mummy and Daddy had lots of support and you had so many people that was praying for you to be ok little girl .
Then on Tuesday 10th November mummy had dinner with your brother and sister and didn't feel quite right , the odd little pain here and there , i waited till daddy got in at 10 pm and told him, he told me off and made me call the hospital, i didn't want to see as i was scared it would mean you was coming and the hospital already told us that when i started labour they wouldn't do anything to stop me as it means that there is something wrong if you want to come out so mummy didn't want to go to hospital as it scared me every time that you was going to come , so i called and had to go to hospital as bleeding and pains. They monitored you and no contractions was showing but they wanted mummy to stay for the night and i cried as i really didn't want to stay but had to for you and your safety , daddy left and mummy cried really and eventually fell asleep at 5.30 am and woken up at 6.30am by a midwife to put you on the monitor all seemed well and no contractions being picked up . Daddy came to the hospital in the morning and we waited till the afternoon for a scan (mummy having slight pains again ) but not enough to show on the monitor, we had the scan she said " you was laying transverse and happy " that my body maybe trying to go into labour but you was happy in there , i smiled and so thought i was going to get sent home but then the doctor said no as i still having pains and the bleeding so she asked me to stay , i cried again :( , mummy doesn't like hospitals . Daddy went home to get mummy some more bits and they transferred me to another ward upstairs where their was all women who had just had babies or having problems with pregnancy, mummy had to share a room with 3 other ladies and didn't like that . I was so tired i rang daddy and said good night to him at around 10.30 pm and fell asleep straight away i felt fine, i had paracetamol before and i felt good and told myself me and you was going to be ok and id be home the next day.
But then it happened i jumped up at 0230am , but thought it was because there was midwifes seeing to a lady opposite that was going into labour so getting ready to move her so they was being loud , i laid there and tried to go back to sleep but them every 20 minutes or so i started getting these niggling pains in my back and i couldn't lay there any longer so i got up got dressed and went outside walking around talking to people outside. I went and told the midwife i was getting some pains at around 0330am and ii had some more paracetamol and she said " see how i go, and asked did i think i was in labour" so i said " i don't know there like what Ive been getting but in my back this time, which i did have with my boy but that was 8 years ago" and she said " she was just dealing with a lady who was in labour " . So i went back to my room and tried watching tele but i couldn't really concentrate and slowly the pains was getting harder but still not dreadful , I went in the bath about 5am had along soak thinking they may help and praying it wasn't labour, but didn't help at all. By the time i got out the bath , the ladies in my room was awake about 6.00 am and pains still there every 15minutes maybe shorter i don't know and they was trying to talk to me but i couldn't really listen or talk to them . I went outside again just pacing up and down , starting to get worried but annoyed too as i still didn't know if i was in labour or not as they hadn't put me on a monitor at all to see , they just left me to it.
I got back up stairs to my room and the women said tell them , press the buzzer etc so i did and they came and i explained they was getting stronger and back was painful they called a doctor to ask could i have a stronger pain relief which they said yes so they gave me that and that was it. I called your dad just after 7am and burst into tears within minutes of speaking to him because i was scared and wanted him, i told him what had been going on through the night and he asked straight away was it labour then so i said i don't know, it could be it feels like when i was in labour with brad and he asked why i hadn't been put on a monitor and said he would sort Bradley and kelsea out , get them looked after and wake your nanny up to bring him. By 0730am it was strong and i started pacing the corridor, didn't see a midwife in sight just nurses etc changing the beds and they all kept walking past me some smiling , some not even really noticing me at all, i started to apse around the desk but no one was there , they was coming alot quicker and harder, i was sweating i was so hot. Eventually one asked " are you ok my love " and i just burst into tears and said " no, no I'm not , please can you get me some one " so she did , it was a new midwife and she asked what was wrong so i tried explaining to her and she said lets get you to your bed and put you on the monitor and i said i cant lay down it hurts too much, she tried to get me on the monitor standing up but it just wouldn't stay around my tummy and your daddy called my phone , i couldn't answer it i couldn't speak by then and i told her to get it she said to daddy " that i was in a bit of pain right no and that she is trying to help me , could he call back" , as she put the phone down at 08:05am i was crossing my legs and she had to examine me and said " she could feel your head " and pushed the alarm button and shouting for someone to help her move me down to delivery, i remember her saying to the nurse "she's only 29 weeks she cant have this baby here " and i was just saying I'm not, I'm not having a natural birth Ive only had c sections,you need to ring my husband please I'm not meant to be doing this on my own, i cant " and by this time i was already in the lift and as they pushed my bed into the delivery suite there you was 08:26am , before the pediatricians could even get there , I couldn't believe it and when i looked down at you you was there , beautiful, wriggling around all curled up and crying i couldn't believe it there you was, the pediatricians was there within seconds all out of breath and they cut your cord and mummy holding tightly to a midwifes hand as they told us that you would breathe but when they cut the cord if your lungs weren't formed that you wouldn't breath and they wouldn't be able to resuscitate you, But you did you was just like any other baby , crying and i was so relieved you was a nice colour all pink and just perfect, i cried with relief and then went into shock shaking and didn't take my eyes of you and the doctors they put a breathing tube in and explained that it was just to help you as it was a struggle and i could see that for myself as your little chest was going so fast. Your daddy called and was on his way and they told him you was here , he couldn't believe it and first thing he asked was how you was and they told him you was doing good. Daddy called everyone to let them know he was so excited.
On your little bed where they was looking at you it had a clock and i asked it what it was and it was counting the minutes from when you was born , i kept watching that clock going up and up and i felt that you was going to be ok. I was praying that daddy and nanny wouldn't get stuck in traffic as it was rush hour and that you would still be there when they arrived but they didn't they missed you by seconds when they took you to special care baby unit i asked how you was and they said " surprisingly well and that hopefully you would have the tube in for a little while just to help your breathing and that you was stable " they took you up at 09:26am .
Daddy walked through the door and i smiled and cried and asked did he see you but he didn't :( . Then we got told that once i was cleaned up we would be able to go and see you. It was about an hour or so and they transferred me back to the ward i was on and we asked when can we see you and they went off and called Thea scbu and come back to say that they was just trying to get some lines into you and then they would call, well they didn't and we kept asking every 30 minutes and every time they kept saying not yet but soon , but every time they said not too worry that you was doing ok. Daddy wasn't happy as he was just so desperate to get up there and see you but we stayed calm as we thought they are helping you and that's all we want is you to be ok. Eventually we got a call to go up about 3 o clock and we pushed the buzzer daddy holding my hand tight and we got shown to the hot room , as we stepped in i saw your doctor and her face and burst into tears and said "is she ok , i dont like that look on your face " and she replied " well, just come over and see your baby " , by then you had all tubes and patches on your eyes and you was just lieing there still, daddy was shocked and mummy was too as you wasnt this way before they took you, you wasnt riggleing around anymore or crying :( the doctor explained your lungs was so tiny and they had to up your oxygen when you got to scbu and you was on 100% oxygen so teh machine was doing all the breathing now and they was going to try a different machine as the one you was on was drowning your little lungs and we got asked to leave and wait again , we waited for i think an hour or so and got the call to go back up when we walked back into the room i could see you was back on the other ventilator and we just new that was it and it was , she explained your oxygen levels was dropping and your co 2 gases rising and whilst we was there the machines kept beaping and we could see it rising and dropping and another doctor came to check and he agreed that there was no more and we had to turn off your life support, I know they tried to tell us this would be the way it would end but we just lived in hope you would be different and you would make it. It is the hardest thing we have ever had to do in our life and we didnt want to say good bye to you baby girl but it wasnt fare to you and you would of been serverley brain dead so we had to , i know you was given morphine and you wasnt in any pain baby but mummy is sorry you had to go through all that i just thought it would be a different out come and im sorry . They took you off the ventilator 4:30pm and we held you in our arms in a quiet little room , you didnt pass till 5:30pm you was so perfect baby girl in every way and so tiny . Mummy and Daddy changed you into our baby grow we brought for you and wrapped you in your shawl none of it seemed real you looked so perfect, i kept looking at you and just hoped you would wake up and they had got it all wrong .
We stayed with you for hours after caitlyne and we got some photos of you, nanny and grandad bang bang came from great yarmouth baby girl we thought you was ok when you was born and they had along drive but then things went so wrong so quick they couldnt get to you in time but they saw you baby girl and had a cuddle , you had so many people waiting to see you you broke alot of hearts